Things I learned while playing Candy Crush on my sister's iPad

I've come to realize the true power of minimalism. I've heard the phrase quality over quantity countless times and I always brushed it off as obvious, but I now understand exactly what people mean. An example: we don't need much. As human beings of course we need food, water, shelter, human interaction (all basics), but (and here is where I always went wrong) we need only a few other things. When I was packing to go home for the summer I was forced to get rid of so many things it hurt. I couldn't believe how easy it was to throw out so many things that had been lying around my dorm room all year, cherished as things that have been given to me, things that I couldn't throw out... why?

That day felt like a huge cleanse - I had gotten rid of so many things and the world didn't come crumbling down around me. Life went on. I felt lighter, and happier. Now I feel stupid, like I've been living life wrong all along, but also smart, like I know more than plenty of others. My obsession right now is letting go. There was an episode of Adventure Time where Jake broke his favourite mug and threw it out of the window to, in 30 seconds, teach Finn the lesson that has taken me 3 months to learn. Holding on to things is useless and it holds you back. Life is going to move on without you and you won't be better off when it does. It's much easier to be hard on yourself in the present moment, and float along when things around you begin to change. You end up accomplishing more, regretting less, and feeling a lot more free.

This made me think about a book I read when I was little, but of course back then I didn't really care and didn't pay attention to the lessons. The book went through a list of things that a lady should do and know such as how to braid your hair in 10 different ways. I think the author's perspective on life was very similar to the one that I am developing. Basic things in life can be divided into many little sections, and if you master all of them you have a strong foundation for everything else in your life to go your way. Knowing how to treat a small wound and some basic philosophy can help you keep your cool in an emergency and entertain guests with your views on Aristotle. If you don't stress about these minor things and learn to let go of things that go wrong, your head will be much clearer when it comes time to talk business or convince others to help you out.

Of course, lots of people who did great and enviable things did not have their life in order (take Vincent van Gogh for example). Were these people happy? One could argue that they weren't. I want to be happy. I want to be self-sufficient. I want to give back to the community and help others. I want to have good relationships with other people. For me and my goals, this approach should work wonderfully.


Now on to the subject of this post: Candy Crush. Just because something is a good move and helps you get more money, more friends, whatever doesn't mean it is a move worth taking. You only have so much time, and if a move doesn't help you reach your goal, you might find yourself missing the deadline.

If your goals are structured right, even if everything else falls apart around them your life should still be in order, therefore make only the moves that help you reach your goals :)

Things I learned from living in Toronto.

I've come to realize that there's a lot more grey area than I initially thought possible. A druggie is not the same as a person who does drugs. A few cigarettes a month won't get you addicted. People have a lot more control than pop culture makes it seem. We are not helpless; there is always a choice, and I find this to be incredibly empowering.

My mother taught me that our habits are etched inside of us, and that there's no escaping who we're meant to be. But I understand that differently from how she means it, in that I think that, with a lot of effort, it is possible to erase the things that we were taught, and teach ourselves to be better than we were before. I think telling yourself that "it's just not meant to be" and "it's out of my control" in situations where it clearly isn't out of your control just because you were raised a certain way is taking the easy way out. It's a lot easier to live a life you do not like if you tell yourself there's nothing you can do to change it.

Things I learned while playing Mario Kart during exam season.

I'm becoming better at not crying over little things and it's a little scary because I'm loosing a huge part of who I was. I'm becoming self-aware, but in a good way. It feels like I'm exchanging bits of the self-conscious self-awareness I possessed before for a much more constructive and encouraging self-awareness and it's making me proud. I've come to realize that, truly, I am not my mistakes. I am not the bad things that have happened to me. I am my experiences and my friends and my perspectives and my values and everything that makes me happy.

I've been thinking a lot about happiness. How am I supposed to function and excel if I don't have something as basic as happiness in my life?

I must get the crucial, most basic parts of my life in order. Starting with my eating, continuing on to the way I dress and present myself, and finishing up with my study habits. It's terrifying writing about myself online and I keep thinking that I should change the words I'm saying to better fit what people would most likely like to read, but that's exactly the opposite of the purpose of this blog. I want to express, not impress (I saw this on a girl's Instagram description and it blew my mind). I've been noticing that I'm changing and I want to nurture the "blossoming". I want to let myself be free. I want to work at getting better at not caring what people think, and not doing things to impress them and start doing things to impress myself, and those I care about.

Part of my inspiration comes from a movie a friend of mine forced upon me. It was amazing and beautiful and poetic and symbolic and everything I like. I find that living in residence is great in a lot of ways, but I tend to get lost in the crowd and forget things that are really important to me. I've stopped spending time by myself, reflecting on my life and who I want to become. It's a lot harder to do constructive things when you're not constantly thinking of improving yourself and chasing the image you want to portray. Keeping an online blog is going to make my life public, but it's also going to keep me accountable.

In the past my blogs have failed because I was trying too hard to stick to the type of posts I saw on other people's blogs. But that's not what blogging is about. If I don't feel like writing a movie review when I finally set out to write one, then of course I'm not going to keep my blog updated. I don't want this to become a chore.

I'm going to try to:

• be as honest as possible
• upload pictures
• discuss movies and other media
• not restrict myself to the "type" of blog that I want to be
• switch it up when I want to without worrying about people's opinions (change is a part of life goddamnit)
• talk about my life in the grand scheme of things and not focus too much on gossip and drama, which tends to change and doesn't make anyone particularly happy

My advice to myself:

• stick to doing daily yoga (try to keep it up as much as possible)
• keep my mind active (learn something new everyday. do not be a spectator. learning is fabulous and fun and don't let yourself convince you otherwise)
• call my sisters/parents/grandparents as often as I can/want
• stop doing things I don't want to do just because I wanted to at some point (life happens in the present moment)

Now, finally on to the subject of this post: Mario Kart. It's important for me to realize that a fuckup does not define you. It is possible to get last place on one track, but still win the cup. It is possible to succeed early on, but lose the race. It is also possible to have a horrible start and end up on top. There will always be things out of your control, but you have to stay relaxed and focus all of your energy on doing the best that you can in those circumstances. It is not good to just give up because you don't think you'll get first place - other people could also be struggling, and if you continue trying you might still win. No matter how badly you mess up, just keep going. Don't spend time worrying about obstacles that you see ahead of you. If you see them, you can dodge them, so why worry? Not worrying makes you more prepared to dodge obstacles that you do not see coming.

Song I would upload if blogger had an mp3 player: "Becoming..." by Clint Mansell, from the Stoker soundtrack.

Here's a picture of my lunch from yesterday:

OneHour Cafe